The past several weeks have been extremely difficult with regards to sleep. I like it. Apparently Isaac is not a fan of sleep….
We had 2 nights this week where I got about 6 hours of sleep!!!! And considered myself pretty lucky! As opposed to the numerous nights where he’d fall asleep in our room,we’d get him to his room …he’d be there for a few hours then up by 2-3 AM. One night was more than I could handle…. He had settled in his room but at 10:30 he stumbled back in to our room. Nothing we tried worked and he was up the rest of the night.., if I drifted off he threw something at me. So it was momma’s eyes open. I did all I could to get him to sleep in his own bed. In his own room. He has a window air conditioner. It doesn’t chill the room well at all. As in… 80* and full humidity is pretty much what it does:(
So since he is sensitive to the heat I take him to our room. He lays on a love seat…hangs off both ends practically! Lol
Some nights we try every trick we know. And nothing has any impact on him. He is on meds for this and we are consulting his doctor. His case manager must surely be sick of the daily emails updating her on the sleep deprivation!
The other day I sent a text.
“He slept. I slept”…
She replied YAY!!!!!
It affects my outlook, my ability to do my daily jobs. I have kids to juggle , bills, cleaning, grocery shopping, appointments….
I face my days sometimes starting at 2:30 in the morning…. I don’t have the opportunity to exercise like I need to or want to. I eat what I can, when I can. The ‘fun’ is planning a meal for the whole family and not having enough for everyone so Mark and I skip. Then we figure out something later… More work, and likely not as healthy….
Anyway, I have seen this week that God truly does go before me, and is with me as I face each situation.
We had a situation Friday where a child was angry with me about something, their cade worker was here. Isaac was with his worker. I sat in the living room remaining as calm as possible.but things got to a point where I decided I had no reason to sit there.
I got up calmly, stated that I didn’t need to be treated with hate and disrespect…. Then later, the child is concerned that I am angry with them..( worker still here). I said – no, I was never angry, but I do not need to be treated that way. And I do not need to just sit and take it. So I walked away.but there is Never an apology from the child for being disrespectful/ hateful/ hurtful. The venom this child’s spews is a poison in our home.and I do my best to remain neutral, calm, non engaging….. But I am not a punching bag for the child’s verbal abuse either.
I am well aware that their is more going on than simply ADHD, but I am waiting for a time when a worker gets a flipping clue about what it is like living with said child….
I was able to go to church last week. It was the first time in a while. I went by myself. I walked away with my soul refreshed. This week I have received timely notes from friends that are local but I don’t see often…and friends from farther away. The times at 3 AM I have opened my Bible app and sought comfort and peace there. And Proverbs 31 devotionals always seem to meet me where I am.
I was told this week how calm and patient I am with my kids. I am told how well I juggle things, how strong people think I am.
But I am exhausted. I am weary. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
I am not better than someone else because I juggle my kids. I do what I need to do with what is laid before me. Non of this is a surprise to God. He has a perfect plan and I rest in that! In the midst of an volatile moment, I pray. And then I do what I think best in the moment.
I challenge you this week….
Consider if you can pray for a family like mine. Consider if you can DO something…. Personally I have shared ways to encourage or help my family.
I challenge you to realize that while you are at the beach, doing fun things with your family…. Chances are I am dealing with a meltdown. Attempting to keep people safe. A simple game at the table with a few kids could be interrupted due to them fighting, others fighting. Moods, sensory issues, or their inability to balance their world….. They need more help, more calm, more instruction, more patience, more love….
While this is tough…. I am so thankful for all of my kids. Even if I have to chase some of them down to hug them!!!( love you Aidan!!!!)
So incredibly thankful that God provides strength right when I need it!!